i am hoping that perhaps the “find another church if you haven’t met any girls you’d like to see naked” comments were made tongue-in-cheek…i think church membership shouldn’t be decided by the hotness of the other members, but by whether or not it is a God-centered place you can worship, grow, and find communion with other believers. i can’t imagine i’m saying anything you don’t know, thomas.

and finally, while his advice to not compromise your character is good, i would be careful of the advice you heed from chad on this subject. he’s not kidding about “if he’d listened to me, ryan walker would not be married”. =)

I have just recently discovered your blog and I don’t know you as well as a lot of people commenting here, so I don’t know if my advice to you will help at all, but here it is.

1. Meet lots of women. If you don’t meet girls, you won’t find a girl to marry. Simple as that, the more you meet, the greater your chances of finding love are. This was one of the many reasons I left Aldersgate for the Wesley Foundation, I had met all the girls there I wasn’t interested in any of them and vice versa. Kind of ironic I ended up marrying one of them, but that is beside the point. I needed some new women to meet so I went to the Wesley. So go to some churches, and if you can’t find any women there that you want to see naked, go to another church.

This is far more important than piece of advice number two. The reason most people tell you to just let it happen is because that is how it happens for most people. They meet a potential spouse and shoot for being friends with them for awhile and then realize they like each other. They have the notorious DTR and then start dating. So they just tell people to let it happen, but what they forget to tell you is they still had to MEET the person. If you don’t meet girls, you won’t get a girl, period.

2. Ask girls out. Would you say no to free dinner? Would you say no to a free movie? Of course you wouldn’t, girls are the same way. Especially if they are single at our age, they’ve grown up a little by now.

Both of these may be difficult for you (I really don’t know) but being in a romantic relationship by definition stretches you. This will be difficult to explain, so I’ll try my best.

I am a huge flirt. I love to flirt with women and I love it when the flirt back. I’ve made out with a few girls on random whims just for kicks. (nobody anyone who reads this knows though) It was and still is my natural inclination to make out with girls when they were willing and hot. (Ok maybe I exagerate, they didn’t have to be hot) Obviously I eventually had to grow out of that, otherwise what kind of husband would I be? Did I change who I am? No, I am still the goofy guy I’ve always been, my behavior has changed but that’s about it.

Here is the cool part, am I better off now or then? Now by a LOOOOOOONG shot. Living the lifestyle I was got me in trouble many times. One time I randomly made out with a girl and then later that day her sister attempted suicide, and now I had this emotionally crazed girl who I didn’t know very well looking to me for comfort. Slightly awkward. Now that I am not a playboy anymore, I am a lot better off. Not to mention all the other benefits that go with marriage, I am just using this one thing as an example.

So if it stretches you to meet people, to take initiative, good. You are a better man for it. Go out there and meet some women.

Lastly I will refrence this book that I have read good things about. “How to get a date worth keeping, Be dating in six months or your money back” by Henry Cloud. He probably knows more about it than me. I’ve read good things about this book. An editor from relevant magazine was going through the six months but since the magazine changed formats I don’t know if that series of articles will continue.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0310262658/qid=1124384226/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-1884158-4116104?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

I dunno.

Thomas, my personal opinion is that you are the one who makes your choices. you are responsible for your adapted and sometimes even your natural tendencies. don’t get too caught up in the semantics of all this. If you like a girl, ask her out. if she says no, punch her in the face. it’s quite simple.

and by the way, i think you would look quite stunning if you decided to change the way you dress. I know that when I do make looking good (hey aubrey! come and see how good I look!) I ~feel~ better about myself, and that can give me that aura that is attractive to people (not just possible girlfriends). So I guess my advice, if this even is advice, is do what you gotta do, but stay true to what you ~know~ to be right. stuff like, don’t sleep around – don’t make looking good priority numero uno – don’t punch girls in the face… you know this stuff.

and finally, in closing, you must come visit houston soon, and we can go get some ice cream. yay ice cream.