I won’t offer up a resolution this New Year’s Eve, as I think they are dumb, ’cause it’s just bad form to make a promise you know you won’t keep. Instead I offer a theme. Ever since Chicago, I’ve thought a lot about whether or not I’m happy about the choices I’ve made thus far as a grown-up. I’m blindingly single, don’t have any world changing accomplishment to speak of, and am probably past my prime. My hair’s thinning, my teeth are getting sensitive, and my body aches a little more than it used to. And two out of the previous three things are directly due to choices I made. I could be using Rogaine to stem the tide of hair loss, and if I was more active, I probably wouldn’t sit still as much, so when I did, I wouldn’t be as stiff.

I distinctly remember reading the book that Greg mentioned, “How to get a date worth keeping, Be dating in six months or your money back”, and thinking to myself how I was utterly unwilling to do the really quite reasonable things the book told you to do. I forget now, but my takeaway from it was basically, meet women, lots and lots of women. That it’s an odds game, and the more you meet, the more likely you’ll become to roll that 0.000000X% chance per person up into a whole person.

Sitting in the Amarillo and DFW airports for Christmas, I was not only being conscious of the beautiful women around me, but also of the men they’re with. What would it take to become par with the sort of men those women are with? As Max would attest, it’s been a long road in changing my appearance. I’m sure he’d mention the hat and the glasses and the t-shirts and the shorts. I rarely wear my hat, the glasses are different, I normally wear jeans nowadays, but I still wear lots of t-shirts. And those things are not earth shattering in and of themselves by any means. I’ve watched “What Not to Wear” a little more than I should and have seen people transform their emotional well being along with their wardrobe, if only for a little while. And seeing all too many beautiful women with their husbands (you should search Youtube for awesome first dances at wedding receptions), I can’t help but wonder if I am honestly at a point where I’d be willing to transform myself into something the women that I want, want. And whether or not I could be genuinely and sufficiently comfortable with and sell whatever form that change might take, and whether they’d be receptive to something that doesn’t come by me naturally.

And so all of these things, and even some others, lead me to my point and theme, which is unscrupulously taken from Gandhi. The quote was on the tip of my mind, but I was unable to actually remember it and the internets doth provide:

We must become the change we want to see in the world.

But in my case, it is not the change I desire to see in the world, rather the change I desire to see in myself. I’m not sure how a selection from this quote speaks more to me, but somehow “becoming the change I want to see” seems more poignant than just “change” or “do”. Somehow it evokes to me a sense of empowerment. Somehow something more than just concentration on a of series of obstacles to overcome. But in the same way we do not look at our feet to walk, rather we afix our eyes on our goal, our destination, and the rest comes naturally.

So that is my theme: “become the change you wish to see”. Change not for its own sake, but for a purpose. Though no thing worth doing is ever easy, my sincere hope is that change comes easily when you genuinely desire it. Change that comes as reflexively as breathing or catching a ball. Not fleeting change you believe in, hope for, or desire, but rather change we know we must achieve if we are to achieve anything else.

Weird, huh? It seems way shorter written down. I swear it was a really long and fairly elaborate dream…

It’s really hard to keep good guy friends, because inevitably they will fall in love with you.

Well, that’s a paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Getting to see the newest member of the Garner clan was pretty cool. The first of our immediate family’s next generation. I guess that she already has a couple of 3rd cousins in the age-range ballpark… Anyway it was good. A short visit, leaving Saturday morning, getting the early afternoon and leaving Sunday night. Good and short and sweet. Pictures will be forthcoming (of what few ones I will actually consider posting…).

What’s probably more interesting than me getting to hold my niece while she slept endlessly was part of the plane ride back. I’m not sure what kind of jet the leg was from Amarillo to DFW, but there were two sets of two seats, with an aisle down the middle. My seat was next to a young lady, traveling back to Louisiana. Anyway, the interesting part of this story is that we talked for the entire flight. We started chatting before takeoff and didn’t stop until I walked her to her next gate (only after which I realized I had walked 10 gates in the exact opposite direction of my gate). It was rather refreshing and encouraging that I could sustain a conversation and vice versa, something I was all but convinced might be outside the realm of my abilities. And while I may never hear from or speak to her again, I will always take the practice. :)

The newest tradition of the semi-annual East Coast Wesleyite Meetup was really nice. I guess we’ll continue having it (until everyone leaves the east cost, which might be sooner than you’d think). It was just really nice to be able to sit around with people who’ve known you so well for so long and and just be. There was the movie watching, the watching of the Kansas game, and the copious amounts of 42 (and staying up too late). :) Lots of theological discussion, even more so than I remember traditionally at Wesley (what else would you expect from the majority of our party being in seminary…). The drive was totally worth it (6 hrs going and 5.5 coming back) and wasn’t tiring or bad. Having to drive all that way even forced me to finally get new tires, but oh brother are tires expensive. I definitely look forward to the next one where I can get to see again Robert, T.J., Jeremy, Erin, and the honorary Wesleyite for the weekend, Ryan (Jeremy’s roomate).

Not the most eloquent of posts, but it’ll have to do…

Anyway, I got a haircut, too.

(Did I mention she was hot?)

I read “The Bear and the Dragon” (which is actually Chad’s book) during the flight. I figured that I need the mental exercise in reading instead of sleeping. I got like 130 pages into it, I think.

On the flight from ATL to DFW, I did sit next to a very attractive young lady. I eventually built up enough courage to chit chat with her. I stammered something about whether or not she was flying home for the holiday. To which she replied that she had a wedding to go to this weekend and hence the trip. I tried to continue the conversation, which lasted for a couple of minutes. I figured that I would be polite and only carry it on if she did, which she didn’t, so that was that.

This is not a new sentiment, and I don’t know if I have ever mentioned it here, but some attractive woman is going to have to club me over the head. I can probably read women about as well as they can read me so I really just give up trying. So, like I said, this is not a new revelation, but perhaps worth repeating.

In other news, both my parents made mention of the possibility that I’ve gained some weight. Thinking about it now as I write, I am curious why they didn’t mention it before when they were in Atlanta… But, my Dad got the scale out and it weighed me at just under 200 pounds. It’s a nice feeling when you think that you’re gaining weight and then it is more or less confirmed. I think that I’ve floated around 185 for several years. I’ve had that sinking feeling about my metabolism slowing since I’ve moved to Atlanta, plus the fact that quite often I eat pretty late at night. Two factors that are not contributing to my skinniness. Like all good parents, I think that they were spining it and back pedalling, and I doubt that I could get a straight answer now about what they really thought, even if I asked them point blank. Maybe the bike was a good purchase after all.

Well, it’s rather late, even my my standards and I’m getting up “early” in the morning to head out to Palo Duro Canyon for a little photo shoot with Cole and Rachel. Should be fun.