Posted by Thomas Sun, 17 Apr 2005 14:04:18 +0000

I don’t know what your motivation is for going or not going to Church on Sunday mornings. For so long, I have felt things like obligation, duty, and guilt. Three things that shouldn’t be involved in this process. Yeah, so I didn’t go to church today. And, it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to go at all while I’m out here. It just means that I’m going to “take some time off”. I’ve been surrounded by so many Christians and have been in such a Christian environment (since I spend so much time at Wesley… or did at least). And this was definitely one of the things that I have worried about ever since… forever. I have known that it could be a huge struggle when I finally moved out of College Station. I just need some time off. Some time to get back to where I want to go to Church, and hang out with people who, at their core, are really just like me. And, I’m not saying that I’m just going to try and be friends with people at work. I should be, and will be. But the thing is that this is probably going to be really the first time in my life where I’m not going to be in a place completely surrounded by Christians. This is something that I have felt that I have really missed the boat on. For too long I have not been around any non-Christians. So, now is the time… but then again, how can I minister if I’m not doing what I am supposed to be doing in the first place, e.g. going to Church.

I just long for the times when I wasn’t so engrossed in everything that is Church. I want to come to a place where I can enjoy it. Where I can just go and not have to do anything. I long to long for God. And I don’t think that going out of obligation is going to do it for me. I need to remember what it’s like to be away. To not really be surrounded by people that love you. To not be surrounded by people who support you. I need to rely on God. I need to remember what that’s like. And I don’t think that I can get to that point if I just go back to what I’ve been doing for what seems like forever and faking it until I make it. Well, I’m tired of that. I need to really make it. I need to feel whatever it is that I need to feel so that I’ll come crawling back. I need renewal. And hopefully I’m not being lured into some trap. Hopefully I’m not shooting myself in the foot on this one.

Posted in General | 3 Comments


  1. Mindy said on April 20, 2005 @ 4:40 pm:

    Living on your own away from everyone you know & the security of your home church is really hard and will be a huge learning process but give it time because you will come away learning more about yourself & God than you ever knew. It’s amazing to see how God really is always there – the true refuge. Good luck out there.

  2. bigbrother0074 said on April 21, 2005 @ 6:23 pm:

    i really know what you mean when you say “i long to long for God.” i feel the same a lot of the time. i hope you’re not shooting yourself in the foot too. i know this will be a really different than you’re used to. i hope you can get everything you want out of it. be careful not to fall into a trap, and be sure not to turn your back on God. even though you’re not at a church, make efforts daily to stay in touch with God. God doesn’t exist only in a church.
    i think that you can be in the secular world like you’re saying, but also part of a church. it will be different there, you won’t be in a christian bubble. but having a church there for you (not necessarily surrounding you like before) is like a support for when you will feel separated from other people. you don’t have to live and breathe inside the church, but it can still be there for you.

    just remember what paul was talking about when he wrote about being in the world but not being of the world. i think it’s in romans? 12? i dunno.

    best of luck to ya, i’ll send one up for you every now and then.

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