Posted by Thomas Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:24:43 +0000

Where are you?

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New Year’s Theme

Posted by Thomas Thu, 01 Jan 2009 15:20:45 +0000

My late lunch left me wanting a late dinner. Why didn’t anyone warn me that most of the eateries would be closed? Shoney’s and Waffle House were open, but none of the fast food joints. :(

I won’t offer up a resolution this New Year’s Eve, as I think they are dumb, ’cause it’s just bad form to make a promise you know you won’t keep. Instead I offer a theme. Ever since Chicago, I’ve thought a lot about whether or not I’m happy about the choices I’ve made thus far as a grown-up. I’m blindingly single, don’t have any world changing accomplishment to speak of, and am probably past my prime. My hair’s thinning, my teeth are getting sensitive, and my body aches a little more than it used to. And two out of the previous three things are directly due to choices I made. I could be using Rogaine to stem the tide of hair loss, and if I was more active, I probably wouldn’t sit still as much, so when I did, I wouldn’t be as stiff.

I distinctly remember reading the book that Greg mentioned, “How to get a date worth keeping, Be dating in six months or your money back”, and thinking to myself how I was utterly unwilling to do the really quite reasonable things the book told you to do. I forget now, but my takeaway from it was basically, meet women, lots and lots of women. That it’s an odds game, and the more you meet, the more likely you’ll become to roll that 0.000000X% chance per person up into a whole person.

Sitting in the Amarillo and DFW airports for Christmas, I was not only being conscious of the beautiful women around me, but also of the men they’re with. What would it take to become par with the sort of men those women are with? As Max would attest, it’s been a long road in changing my appearance. I’m sure he’d mention the hat and the glasses and the t-shirts and the shorts. I rarely wear my hat, the glasses are different, I normally wear jeans nowadays, but I still wear lots of t-shirts. And those things are not earth shattering in and of themselves by any means. I’ve watched “What Not to Wear” a little more than I should and have seen people transform their emotional well being along with their wardrobe, if only for a little while. And seeing all too many beautiful women with their husbands (you should search Youtube for awesome first dances at wedding receptions), I can’t help but wonder if I am honestly at a point where I’d be willing to transform myself into something the women that I want, want. And whether or not I could be genuinely and sufficiently comfortable with and sell whatever form that change might take, and whether they’d be receptive to something that doesn’t come by me naturally.

And so all of these things, and even some others, lead me to my point and theme, which is unscrupulously taken from Gandhi. The quote was on the tip of my mind, but I was unable to actually remember it and the internets doth provide:

We must become the change we want to see in the world.

But in my case, it is not the change I desire to see in the world, rather the change I desire to see in myself. I’m not sure how a selection from this quote speaks more to me, but somehow “becoming the change I want to see” seems more poignant than just “change” or “do”. Somehow it evokes to me a sense of empowerment. Somehow something more than just concentration on a of series of obstacles to overcome. But in the same way we do not look at our feet to walk, rather we afix our eyes on our goal, our destination, and the rest comes naturally.

So that is my theme: “become the change you wish to see”. Change not for its own sake, but for a purpose. Though no thing worth doing is ever easy, my sincere hope is that change comes easily when you genuinely desire it. Change that comes as reflexively as breathing or catching a ball. Not fleeting change you believe in, hope for, or desire, but rather change we know we must achieve if we are to achieve anything else.

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Arranged Marriage

Posted by Thomas Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:19:25 +0000

Last night (Sunday night that is), I had one of the strangest dreams that I’ve had in quite a while. I dreamed that I agreed to an arranged marriage. My parents were to pick the bride, who wound up being one of our neighbors’ daughter. We didn’t really meet before the wedding (even though she was around my age and from the same hometown — don’t know how I’d never met her). The ceremony was in my home church in Canyon. I’m pretty sure that the time spent in the dream at the ceremony was very brief. Then it skipped to me being in Mountain View at work, where my wife apparently worked (and had for sometime, before all of this arranged marriage stuff started). It was the end of the day, I was packing up my stuff, and she was there. I was wondering if I had only imagined or dreamed that I had gotten married, when at that same moment she showed off her wedding band which immediately confirmed that we were in fact married. She had dark skin and dark hair, but I don’t remember her name. As I was begrudging the fact that I had in fact gotten married, she started making some jokes or something where I noticed that she was nice and cute and funny. Then it skips ahead. Now her parents were Mormon and that’s how she grew up, but she had since changed to a Protestant denomination. This is how the dream ended with me accusing her of still being Mormon and how she secretly wanted to convert me and how I didn’t trust her when she said that she wasn’t.

Weird, huh? It seems way shorter written down. I swear it was a really long and fairly elaborate dream…

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The Ladder

Posted by Thomas Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:18:04 +0000

I overheard a girl saying this some time ago, and I think it rings frighteningly true:

It’s really hard to keep good guy friends, because inevitably they will fall in love with you.

Well, that’s a paraphrase, but you get the idea.

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Obligatory catch up post

Posted by Thomas Thu, 01 Nov 2007 00:32:29 +0000

I’ve been quite remiss in updates of late. I’ve had two major trips, since I wrote last. One to see my new niece, and the other to Durham, NC for the East Coast Wesleyite Meetup. Both exceeded expectations.

Getting to see the newest member of the Garner clan was pretty cool. The first of our immediate family’s next generation. I guess that she already has a couple of 3rd cousins in the age-range ballpark… Anyway it was good. A short visit, leaving Saturday morning, getting the early afternoon and leaving Sunday night. Good and short and sweet. Pictures will be forthcoming (of what few ones I will actually consider posting…).

What’s probably more interesting than me getting to hold my niece while she slept endlessly was part of the plane ride back. I’m not sure what kind of jet the leg was from Amarillo to DFW, but there were two sets of two seats, with an aisle down the middle. My seat was next to a young lady, traveling back to Louisiana. Anyway, the interesting part of this story is that we talked for the entire flight. We started chatting before takeoff and didn’t stop until I walked her to her next gate (only after which I realized I had walked 10 gates in the exact opposite direction of my gate). It was rather refreshing and encouraging that I could sustain a conversation and vice versa, something I was all but convinced might be outside the realm of my abilities. And while I may never hear from or speak to her again, I will always take the practice. :)

The newest tradition of the semi-annual East Coast Wesleyite Meetup was really nice. I guess we’ll continue having it (until everyone leaves the east cost, which might be sooner than you’d think). It was just really nice to be able to sit around with people who’ve known you so well for so long and and just be. There was the movie watching, the watching of the Kansas game, and the copious amounts of 42 (and staying up too late). :) Lots of theological discussion, even more so than I remember traditionally at Wesley (what else would you expect from the majority of our party being in seminary…). The drive was totally worth it (6 hrs going and 5.5 coming back) and wasn’t tiring or bad. Having to drive all that way even forced me to finally get new tires, but oh brother are tires expensive. I definitely look forward to the next one where I can get to see again Robert, T.J., Jeremy, Erin, and the honorary Wesleyite for the weekend, Ryan (Jeremy’s roomate).

Not the most eloquent of posts, but it’ll have to do…

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Crazy Hot

Posted by Thomas Fri, 25 May 2007 23:52:34 +0000

All of the ladies reading this will just have to deal with this post. I usually try not to be too sexist, but damn. There was a young woman at In-n-Out who was drop dead gorgeous. I mean hot. I mean crazy-stupid-hot. CRAZY-STUPID-HOT. In hindsight, I wished I would have told her as much, but I thought about it only as I was leaving. I mean, how long can you sit by yourself with no food left on your plate at a fast food restaurant and not look conspicuous?

Anyway, I got a haircut, too.

(Did I mention she was hot?)

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I didn’t even get her name or her number

Posted by Thomas Tue, 26 Dec 2006 19:30:31 +0000

On the flight from Houston to Amarillo, I sat next to a lovely young blonde. We exchanged pleasantries a couple of times, such as how she was from Hereford and I from Canyon, her grandparents were picking her up, while my parents were picking me up, how she lives in not Miami, but Jacksonville, FL and I in Atlanta, that I worked for Google and that she worked for some mortgage/lending agency whose name I can’t recall. Small chit-chat like that, off and on. It was… encouraging, let us say. It was loud and I had some trouble hearing her (like the Miami/Jacksonville thing). I didn’t get her name or her number, but I guess that’s ok. It was a better conversation with some random girl on a plane than I’ve had, so, yeah…

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Did Santa Come?

Posted by Thomas Mon, 25 Dec 2006 22:26:23 +0000

Did he bring me a wife?

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Thanksgiving Travel

Posted by Thomas Fri, 24 Nov 2006 02:56:02 +0000

I flew American Airlines this trip, which I am not sure if I will do again. For the leg from DFW to AMA, they would not issue me a seat assignment until I arrived in DFW. Upon my arrival (and with the skylink broken) I walked to my gate and received a seat assignment and a boarding pass. They announced around the boarding time that they were overweight and needed 4 volunteers to bump. None did and they basically recalled/confiscated my boarding pass. At this point, I’m wondering if I am going to get to Amarillo that night, as the flight that they mentioned during the bumping announcment was at 6am the next morning. But, they must have loosed some weight somewhere, as I think that all of the 4 of us that might have been involuntarily bumped weren’t, so I made it home as planned. A little disappointing, as I was almost in the mood for a tirade about their policy towards their customers. I even had a decent analogy to how it appears to me how baseball game tickets are also a racket, as you are not given re-entry rights. It’s like you aren’t buying/renting out a seat so much as buying a one time ticket through the door.

I read “The Bear and the Dragon” (which is actually Chad’s book) during the flight. I figured that I need the mental exercise in reading instead of sleeping. I got like 130 pages into it, I think.

On the flight from ATL to DFW, I did sit next to a very attractive young lady. I eventually built up enough courage to chit chat with her. I stammered something about whether or not she was flying home for the holiday. To which she replied that she had a wedding to go to this weekend and hence the trip. I tried to continue the conversation, which lasted for a couple of minutes. I figured that I would be polite and only carry it on if she did, which she didn’t, so that was that.

This is not a new sentiment, and I don’t know if I have ever mentioned it here, but some attractive woman is going to have to club me over the head. I can probably read women about as well as they can read me so I really just give up trying. So, like I said, this is not a new revelation, but perhaps worth repeating.

In other news, both my parents made mention of the possibility that I’ve gained some weight. Thinking about it now as I write, I am curious why they didn’t mention it before when they were in Atlanta… But, my Dad got the scale out and it weighed me at just under 200 pounds. It’s a nice feeling when you think that you’re gaining weight and then it is more or less confirmed. I think that I’ve floated around 185 for several years. I’ve had that sinking feeling about my metabolism slowing since I’ve moved to Atlanta, plus the fact that quite often I eat pretty late at night. Two factors that are not contributing to my skinniness. Like all good parents, I think that they were spining it and back pedalling, and I doubt that I could get a straight answer now about what they really thought, even if I asked them point blank. Maybe the bike was a good purchase after all.

Well, it’s rather late, even my my standards and I’m getting up “early” in the morning to head out to Palo Duro Canyon for a little photo shoot with Cole and Rachel. Should be fun.

Posted in General, Women | 1 Comment

Strike up a conversation

Posted by Thomas Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:13:54 +0000

Me, a couple of guys from work, and a couple of their friends went out to a bar after work tonight. So, me and this guy from work were sitting talking, and a very tall young lady comes over near us to pick up her purse and various other items from the table where her and her friends had started the night, to take them to the table where they were currently. My friend and I were in the middle of a conversation, and the young lady was picking up stuff from the table, but said something like when you aren’t sure if someone is talking to you or not (like, “excuse me?” or the like). I more or less continued with what I was saying, she picked up the stuff from the table and walked over to their new table. After she left, my friend chastised me, saying that she had wanted me to talk to her. To which I said that I was admittedly oblivious (as I really was). I more or less played it off, especially as I find it hard to see myself picking up some random smoking, drinking chick at a bar. But, it was a really nice sentiment, either way, if she really was trying to strike up a conversation, or if it was just his interpretation of the situation, it made me feel good. :)

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Studio 60 and some odd geek dating advice

Posted by Thomas Wed, 25 Oct 2006 23:29:01 +0000

I finally got around to watching the latest episode of Studio 60 last night (episode 6). It was AWESOME! I really feel like the cast and the writers were really gelling, because the dialogue and the acting was spectacular. Multiple mini story lines, character and plot development. Good stuff. Maybe it was each becoming comforable with the other, maybe it was the cast getting used to the tempo and gait of the writing, maybe just the cast getting to know each other better, maybe it was the story progressing to the point where you were no longer having to remind the audience who was whom and could actually move the narrative forward. Whatever it was, it was good, and I’m glad that it looks and feels much more like what I grew accustomed to in Sports Night and the West Wing. I’m much relieved, as I was up until this point not yet convinced as to the quality. If this keeps up, then I’m not worried. :)

I guess that I saw this on Digg, which then linked to this and this. All I considered to be lackluster.

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Marcus and Chauncey

Posted by Thomas Fri, 25 Aug 2006 01:19:27 +0000

I can’t believe I read all of this.

Matilda: Oh yeah? Then what type of guys do I like?
Marcus: …The ones that talk to you.
Matild: Dang, you’re good.

Oh, that’s what I’ve been doing wrong…

Posted in General, Women | 1 Comment

Friziday Night

Posted by Thomas Sat, 29 Apr 2006 01:41:25 +0000

The past couple of nights, I’ve had a few dreams whose memory lingered into waking. I seem to recall a dream about meeting some girl who was wearing an A&M Consol t-shirt, who went to TAMU, and had moved to GA. We talked and she gave me her number, date suggestions, and date and time suggestions for a date… Interesting, I know… The other two involved me being in a “Dawn of the Dead”-type zombie senario, and the other involved me being in an action/constant car chase senario. I’m trying to remember when exactly these dreams occurred, but I’m having some issues remembering exactly how long I’ve been trying to remember to write this post. I think that it’s only been either a day or two. Which is somewhat bothersome, but eh… But I think that I did have a pretty good night’s sleep last night, probably due to lots of work at work and crashing hard; which the heavy sleep made me not really want to get up this morning.

I, too, seem to recall some fond memories of “Crazy”… I’m not sure why, but I really like that song. I can listen to it on a loop for quite some time, for reasons I do not comprehend. One might consider it to be one of my favorite songs, but generally I don’t have too many “favorite” things. Perhaps it’s due to some instinct not to label things so firmly, as most stuff in life is in a constant state of flux.

For example, I would consider most people that I have more than a casual acquantance with to be friends, such as almost everyone at work, but as has been pointed out to me recently, some people have a very distinct line between those people who you simply interact with on a certain level at work, and those who you interact with on another, beyond work level. Which I personally think is odd, to label all of these people so firmly, but maybe that’s just me. I guess that I figured that I know that I’m supposed to love everybody and that anybody who’s name that I knew would pretty much automatically be called a friend. Don’t really have any enemies. Hate to just put a label of “co-worker” onto someone just because, and treat them like some second class citizen… But, I really don’t want any comments on this, because I think that the whole premise is stupid, and I’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time on it already.

Posted in General, Women | 3 Comments

Little Thing

Posted by Thomas Mon, 28 Nov 2005 01:30:07 +0000

So here I am chowing down twin apple pies from McDonalds writing to you straight from A-town (Atlanta that is). Finally got back from Canyon today after fun with missed connections, et al. But that is not the reason that I stream my concious to you right before I crash so I can get up to go to work tomorrow. No, the reason that I blog to you tonight is women. Hmm, let me check that little box to make this post go into the women’s category. Ah, much better.

Ok, so most of you should have seen this one coming, especially since I am apparently have the worst luck with weather whilest trying to get back to Atlanta from the panhandle (it snowed today in the panhandle for those of you at home!). With poor weather comes lots of down time at the airport. So too much time on your hands and plenty of pretty women chilling at the airport with you makes me wonder when I will ever grow some balls? Seriously. There was this one girl in particular. While I was waiting to try to fly on standby so that I wouldn’t have to stay overnight and fly out at 1pm tomorrow, there happened to be a very pretty girl waiting in the same little area. So, she was hot and I didn’t say anything to her, and that was that. As it turned out she was flying standby to Atlanta as well, and she got to fly out on that flight and I got the opportunity to try and catch the next one. How fortuitous and crappy at the same time. Anyway, if any of you have ever yeard the song “Little Thing” by Dave Matthews, then you will know something analgous to what I’m currenty feeling. Anyhoo, I do this every once in a while and I always kick myself.

After I got on the plane that finally brought me home, I was trying to get comfortable, but I couldn’t really, because I’m too dad gummed tall. I thought to myself, “self, don’t you hate being tall?”. Which led me to the following pickup line:

Excuse me, but don’t you hate being so beautiful, because every time you’re at an airport random guys walk up to you and strike up a conversation as if they know you, when all you really want to do is to get out of this frickin’ airport… get back to your home, to your boyfriend, and to a nice, hot bubblebath.

I should take bets on who thinks that next time I fly home I could find some similarly hot girl and say that to her.

In other news I’ll post some pics to the photoblog from the past couple of days. I probably have a couple or 3 to post…

And if anyone would like to submit a 1500–2000 word essay on why I have no cojones, then feel free.

Posted in Women | 3 Comments

The Keys to My Heart

Posted by Thomas Sun, 02 Oct 2005 16:27:26 +0000

Why do I post these things? I don’t know…

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you’re told that you’re loved.

You’d like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful… that you’ll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything… no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You’ll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

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The Pickup Vol. 2

Posted by Thomas Tue, 16 Aug 2005 01:46:19 +0000

Sorry that it has been so long. Between the network being down here at the apt since Thursday, being gone for the weekend, and generally not having any time at all while I was home to do much more than be with the fam, I am just now getting back to this.

So, let’s start with the Cliff’s Notes of the comments. Mindy says stay true and step out. Ben says ,“don’t worry, thomas. have faith that some girl will see you for who you are and love you and marry you. trust God, it’ll happen.” Marcus says that even the experts say they don’t know wtf is the right thing to do. He goes on with wisdom beyond his years by stating (pretty much) that if things were fair, then “every girl would be all up ons”. Marc says don’t throw rocks at girls and burn their houses down with candles that spell their name (my paraphrase). C-to-the-a-to-the-llum sez buy a puppy and go to a strip club (note this fortune). Chad says don’t listen to him and talk about computers all the time.

All too often I’ve heard guys relate how they pretty much have no idea how they got hooked up with their significant other. This helps me none.

For you see that I feel that I have done my best to stay true to myself in my pursuit of women only to get in return ::matt foley::JACK SQUAT!::matt foley::

Everyone pretty much says that you have to be yourself. Exactly who that person is is a highly debated topic. During either ENGR111 or 112 we had to do these personality-ish surveys. Not the Keirsey one, different, more expensive ones. They dealt more with how to communicate with co-workers, the best management environment for you to work in, etc. They made some distinctions between a natural behavior and an adapted one. For example, their program drew the conclusion that my tendancy to motivate others is less a natural one and more an adapted one, meaning that my natural tendancy to get your butt in gear is less than the tendancy that you might actually come into contact with.

So in taking this notion of natural and adapted, I tried to extrapolate that if everyone is capable of doing pretty much anything (say to the generic extremes both very, very good and bad things), then what really does define us? If we are defined by our actions, and in certain circumstances we can do atrocious things (the Holocaust, for example), then we are defined by nothing because we can do everything.

Can everyone reading this can assume that the real and true Thomas can, under the proper conditions, be charming enough to get some girl’s phone number? We can all agree that this action would be an adapted behavior, correct? Something that Thomas was always capable of. Then anything else that Thomas is capable of would then be part of the true Thomas. Doesn’t that truly muddy the water of who Thomas really is? Doesn’t that essentially make Thomas undefined?

I think that Max would argue that the true Thomas is independant of outward appearance. Which I would say is only partially true. Do my glasses define me? Would I be any different if I wore contacts? Would I be more appealing if everyone could see my eyes better to try and read them? Do my shorts define me? Do my t-shirts? Am I a fundamentally different person if I shaved everyday and everyday wore business casual? Perhaps business casual wouldn’t denote a fundamental shift in my being, but I would hotly argue that it would indicate a paradigm shift. At the very least an acceptance of a new stage in life. I would argue that that outward sign correlates directly to an inward acceptance. Acceptance that things can and never will be the save again. Letting go of things of the past. Fundamental changes in priorities. Just plain fundamental changes. People might argue that the clothes don’t make the man, but I am a firm believer that clothing maintains a direct relationship to personal and fundamental things of that person. If a girl wears flip flops instead of heels. The kind of glasses she wears. How much makeup she has on. Whether she has her nails done. Whether she’s had a peticure. How conservatively she dresses. How her hair is done. I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this. But I bet that there’s one of you out there that thinks that I have my girl picked out to a tee. ;) And maybe I do. And maybe I don’t.

Maybe that’s why I hate this game so much is that I just don’t think that I’ll ever win. That’s pretty much what everybody said wasn’t it? Just wait for it. You say, “If you build it, they will come”. And I say, “build what?”. And you say “If you build it, they will come”. And then I have to build a baseball field in the middle of my corn field.

I’ve tried playing the game every way that I know how. I’ve even tried playing the game by not playing at all (Would you like to play a game of chess?). Nothing seems to change. So if I am so infintely picky, and we then assume that this ficticious woman is also infinitely picky, then can anyone figure out the probability of hookup of two infinitely picky people? I look at my odds in CS and I look at them now, and I just give up. Sorry, Ben, I can’t trust and I’ve lost [some] faith.

Sleep awaits. Maybe someday my prose will get less disjointed and generally better overall…

Posted in Women | 9 Comments

The Pickup

Posted by Thomas Mon, 08 Aug 2005 02:03:21 +0000

I ran across some guy’s dissertation on “The Art of the Pickup”. I’m sure that there are those of you reading who will immediately balk at this *cough*MAX*cough*. Just hold on for a sec and hear me out. Some of the things that this guy mentions I have actually been kicking around (independently and beforehand of reading this).

I guess mainly what I have been wondering is since I’ve moved out here and all, that nobody knows me, that I don’t have this pre-existing set of friends and possible hindrances due to those friendships (in terms of keeping friendships as opposed to the possibility of ruining them), that can I appear to be someone who I’m not quite. Take for example the couple of guys that I went to the concert with. They are very outgoing, boisterous kinds of fellows. Like if I acted as the person that I expect women to respond well to, would I have a better chance? I think that we all know what type of results I mustered in CS.

It reminds me of the movie “Hitch”. There is a line in there where Hitch says something like “ ‘You’ is a very fluid concept right now.”. In the same way that Hitch asks Allegra Cole if she would have ever noticed Albert had he not stood up in the meeting, I beg the question, is always being yourself truly enough in the beginning to set things in motion?

Somehow I don’t think that I’m going to like the comments on this one… :/

Maybe in my mind the question that it boils down to is who is the person that you think that you are? Who is Thomas? And unlike virtually every other friendship and relationship that I’ve ever had (and against probably every bit of advice that I’ve ever gotten or read on the subject), how much do I have to change, while staying Thomas at the exact same time, to achieve what I want to achieve, a girlfriend and a wife?

Well it’s 2am and the time is finally starting to hit me… Comment away…

Posted in Women | 10 Comments

Chalk up one more closed door

Posted by Thomas Mon, 18 Jul 2005 00:37:54 +0000

For grins, I played with e-harmony. Here is my outcome:

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants to fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

Son of a…

Posted in Women | 2 Comments

Dating rants

Posted by Thomas Wed, 27 Apr 2005 21:02:16 +0000

Since I haven’t got much to say today, I’ll just post some stuff from other people. :)

I ran across this today in my bloglines from digg.com. For my own future reference, I’m going to post the text here:

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It…

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are… plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such… but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra… all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models… They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo…”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind…”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on…” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code… a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce…

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps…

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

Which made me dig up something that Ben actually had on his blog some time ago; which I will also post: (Note that the opinions expressed do not necessarily line up with my own…)

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

I leave it as an exercise for the user to find the “Ode to the Nice Girls” on the web.

Posted in Women | 8 Comments

You know how sometimes at the end of a semester

Posted by Thomas Mon, 11 Apr 2005 23:34:43 +0000

You know how sometimes at the end of a semester, you’ll have a crush on somebody, but it’s like the worst timing ever. But, it’s the end of the semester, and you know that feelings’ll change if you don’t say something. But it’s still the worst timing. Well, think if you were like leaving forever, and wished that you could still try and start something… that sucks… hmm… woulda, coulda, shoulda + regrets…

Posted in Women | 5 Comments

So you want to ask her out

Posted by Thomas Wed, 09 Mar 2005 17:52:46 +0000

Drew wrote this for his Lunch Bible Study. I couldn’t pass up posting it here. And now, for your reading enjoyment, “So you want to ask her out”.

♥ So you want to ask her out ♥

This document is a description of the Drew Gibson methodology for asking a female out on a date. This method has been rigorously researched and tested by Drew. Though it has had many successful implementations, your mileage may vary. This document does not describe how to make an initial pick-up of a woman (Are those moon pants? Because you’re butt is out of this world), but is instead for usage upon unsuspecting female friends or casual acquaintances.

The approach
When asking a girl out, I prefer to do it in person. Telephone is acceptable, however instant messenger or e-mail is just weak. Before the approach, make sure you are neatly groomed. For example, among other things, make sure your hair is not messed up and your fly is zipped up. Basically you don’t want to make it any harder for her than is has to be to say (possibly) yes. You don’t have to get all dressed up, just be your normal presentable self.
I prefer to do the actual asking out while you are both alone unless you want to make your humiliation or successful procurement of a date public. So get her alone and initiate conversation to butter her up. I prefer Country Crock. It shouldn’t be deep soul searching conversation, just chit-chat, perhaps about cool that Drew Gibson guy is.

Going in for the kill
After you have briefly chatted up your potential date, it is time to go in for the kill. There are a variety of ways to actually ask her out, but it is best to be direct about your intent. My preferred line is so “So anyway, I was wondering if you would like to go out on a date with me.” Saying things like, “Maybe we could catch a movie sometime,” or “Maybe we could get dinner some time,” may not get your point across. I feel it is best to say the word “date” somewhere in the supplication so she will know you intend it as one.
It is also best to avoid specifics when you ask her for a date. For instance:

You: “I was wondering if you would like to be my date to go see Wrestlemania this Saturday.”
Her: “Aww, I can’t. I’m going to see NASCAR up in Fort Worth this weekend.”

This is a malformed appeal because if she says no, then one cannot be certain what she was saying “no” to; your pathetic self or Wrestlemania. But in my experience, no woman can resist the siren call of Wrestlemania. Sure, if the girl is interested, she could say that she is free next weekend, but it is best to avoid specifics.

The response
If she says no, don’t take it to hard. You’re just an unattractive person who no one could ever love. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Look on the bright side, instead of having to spend your Friday night paying for someone’s dinner and having awkward conversations with them, you can sit around in your underwear, eat chips, and play video games. Also, many people find sending a check to Drew in the amount they would have spent on a date very therapeutic.
If she says yes, then set down some specifics. You don’t necessarily have to nail down an itinerary, but try to set down a day. This is also a good time to get her phone number if you don’t know it already.

Posted in Women | 2 Comments