The Pickup

Posted by Thomas Mon, 08 Aug 2005 02:03:21 +0000

I ran across some guy’s dissertation on “The Art of the Pickup”. I’m sure that there are those of you reading who will immediately balk at this *cough*MAX*cough*. Just hold on for a sec and hear me out. Some of the things that this guy mentions I have actually been kicking around (independently and beforehand of reading this).

I guess mainly what I have been wondering is since I’ve moved out here and all, that nobody knows me, that I don’t have this pre-existing set of friends and possible hindrances due to those friendships (in terms of keeping friendships as opposed to the possibility of ruining them), that can I appear to be someone who I’m not quite. Take for example the couple of guys that I went to the concert with. They are very outgoing, boisterous kinds of fellows. Like if I acted as the person that I expect women to respond well to, would I have a better chance? I think that we all know what type of results I mustered in CS.

It reminds me of the movie “Hitch”. There is a line in there where Hitch says something like “ ‘You’ is a very fluid concept right now.”. In the same way that Hitch asks Allegra Cole if she would have ever noticed Albert had he not stood up in the meeting, I beg the question, is always being yourself truly enough in the beginning to set things in motion?

Somehow I don’t think that I’m going to like the comments on this one… :/

Maybe in my mind the question that it boils down to is who is the person that you think that you are? Who is Thomas? And unlike virtually every other friendship and relationship that I’ve ever had (and against probably every bit of advice that I’ve ever gotten or read on the subject), how much do I have to change, while staying Thomas at the exact same time, to achieve what I want to achieve, a girlfriend and a wife?

Well it’s 2am and the time is finally starting to hit me… Comment away…

Posted in Women | 10 Comments


  1. mindy said on August 8, 2005 @ 8:41 am:

    i think you have to stay true to yourself and who you are (once you figure out who that is – and only you really can)…but, i think for love or for something you really want, sometimes you have really push yourself out of your “comfort zone” and make yourself known. you know, the idea of making yourself stupid for love…well that has some benefits. when you step out a little to catch her attention, it’s impressive, especially when they get to know you – realizing how much of an effort that could have been. just like in “hitch”…great example. anyway, i hope that makes sense.

  2. bigbrother0074 said on August 8, 2005 @ 11:31 am:

    i didn’t see hitch, but i can guess from the previews what the gist of it is. oh, and i doubt you will like the majority of comments ;)

    as for me, i gotta tell you that it’s worked out just being me. i’ve spent time pursuing different…well, pursuits. loulou actually being one of the major ones in my time here. but it wasn’t me pursuing her that brought us together. what actually happened is that i’d eventually given up on that pursuit and just settled to thinking that nothing beyond friendship would ever happen between us. but it was the time that we spent together on them del rio work project that brought us together. i wasn’t doing anything differently, just being myself and trying to be nice and helpful and she said that she noticed that all week and then we sat next to each other on the bus home and we did a crossword together and i was just really sweet to her. i wasn’t consciously doing anything different. but we pretty much got together that friday on the way back and we were officially dating jan 14th.
    i want to tell you that if you just wait, the same thing will happen to you. i know that you are an awesome guy and well-intentioned and caring and all that mess, and i want to say that someday some girl will recognize you for who you are. i hope that happens. but i don’t think that i can say that this is the standard. i don’t think all girls come to their senses about the nice guys. dangit… i don’t know. i’ll just stick with “don’t worry, thomas. have faith that some girl will see you for who you are and love you and marry you. trust God, it’ll happen.”

    that sounds a lot better.

    sorry to get so emo.

  3. Marcus said on August 10, 2005 @ 2:47 pm:

    Thomas, Thomas, Thomas…women want to be treated with what I call “disdainful regard”. They want mystery and excitement in a man. So you’ve got show them attention, but not too much attention or they’ll get bored with you. Ignore them a bit so that the times you pay attention will make them feel really special. …Did I mention I’m perpetually single?

    Really though, you bring up some interesting thoughts. When are we really “ourselves”? What does that mean?

    My extensive coursework in the field of communication has taught me that…no one really knows about this stuff. It’s all theory, there is no one formula to relationships, getting girls, etc. The reality is that being “someone else” initially may draw more attention to yourself, but it eventually caves when you return to your regular way of being…meaning that the other person was drawn to a lie. But to answer your question, being yourself in the beginning is definitely not ALWAYS enough to set things in motion, otherwise every girl would be all up ons. But we hold onto the hope that someday it will be, that we will meet a person that is right for us and will be compelled to pursue without changing ourselves to fit a mold. On the other hand, change isn’t always bad. There may be things in our life that need to change, and girls definitely point that crap out! …And yes, I was bored when I wrote this.

  4. mindy said on August 10, 2005 @ 10:17 pm:

    let me go back & make sure that you know i don’t mean that you shouldn’t be yourself by any means. But, stepping out there & maybe doing something to get a girl’s attention that doesn’t feel “comfortable” might be necessary to draw interest from her. Girls like being sought after – marcus is right – we do like to have attention but too much can be overwhelming – what can i say? we are picky individuals. I can say that I’m married & my husband is really good about the balance of this & he isn’t comfortable at all with the big romantic gestures or anything like that. But, as you know thomas, mark & i were friends for years before we dated & eventually married…but during the very beginning of the dating process, i was worried that it would just be too close to going to hang out with my best friend – no romance, no romantic connection – but he had to step out to show me that and by being a little different that he was used to it really got my attention. I will go on to say that it wasn’t “unimpressive” that he wasn’t like that all the time – it was almost more impressive to see how much he pushed himself to make me notice him in that way.

    That is my point – you have to make yourself stand out among the others – same as the interview process – find a way to make yourself be appealing in a different way than the others. Thing is, whether that’s the way the world should work or not is not the question – it’s the way it does work. It is true – God’s timing & will prevails over all of this…BUT God did set us up as men & women to want & need things the way we do.

  5. Marc said on August 11, 2005 @ 3:55 am:

    Thomas, I am by no measure a master when it comes to the art of the relationship. In fact, I prefer to think of myself as a glorious failure in hopes that someday I’ll prove myself wrong. But as has been mentioned, girls like to be pursued, to a point. And, as has been said, this may require stepping out and doing something that you wouldn’t normally do, or something that might be uncharacteristic of yourself, in order to begin the process that I shall call “The Quest.”

    Unlike Van Damme, one cannot merely go flying through this quest with the fury of a martial arts superpower. “The Quest” requires a grand deal of finesse. However, one should never compromise ones’ self for the sake of said quest. If, in fact, something out of character is required in order to initiate “The Quest: Phase II” (aka female interest), one must be careful to make sure that the aforementioned act does not go against the true nature of his person.

    It’s like putting your coat down for some fly honey to walk over so she doesn’t step in a puddle. The act is a nice gesture, but it’s certainly not something you’d do for anyone/everyone. And I’m willing to bet that you’re the kind of guy who just might do that for the right girl (although only after evaluating the cost and damage of the coat).

    I guess what I’m saying is this: if something out of character is required, just think if it’s something that you’d really do, or something you’d do merely to win the attention of a girl. For instance, the difference between giving a girl a call to see if she’d like to catch lunch one day versus throwing a rock at her window so that she’ll poke her head out to watch you play a song you wrote for her amidst her name spelled out in candles. One is clearly not a Thomas sort of thing, while I could definitely see you picking up the phone (even if it is uncomfortable, I know it makes me nervous). So keep it real, bro, and it’ll happen, sometime.

  6. Callum said on August 11, 2005 @ 12:28 pm:

    a puppy man, all you need is a puppy

    actually, im not sure the answer is to try at all, granted its different for every person but most important is place yourself in places where there will be copious amounts of hot girls that you wouldnt mind canoodling with….if you can find a church with a young adult group then jump on that and if you cant fdind one, find a church find some young adults and start one
    or go to a strip club, i could probably talk to people and find you a crack house where you are, thats the walton connections you know
    well i got nothing, but feel free to use any pictures of me on internet dating sites HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    no seriously

  7. Chad said on August 12, 2005 @ 11:15 pm:

    Also, maybe being in the same place for so long caused you to conform to others expectations. If everyone has a certain conception of us sometimes we tend to live up to it. Your biggest selling point is going to be your character, but you could use some work on being outgoing and communicative. I don’t think it is being false to try and change some traits that might be holding you back, just don’t change the good stuff. Not that I’m worried that you’ll become a sleaze or anything.

    Standard Disclaimer: Ryan Walker is married now because he did the exact opposite whenever I gave him relationship advice.

  8. Chad said on August 12, 2005 @ 11:16 pm:

    Also, take Calum’s advice about the picture. That dude is teh hawt!!! Calum, can you send me a photo.

  9. Chad said on August 12, 2005 @ 11:24 pm:

    As for me, my romantic strong points are an encyclopedic knowledge of comic books and a decent grasp of special relativity. My major drawbacks are a tendency to correct others grammer and general lack of hygeine.

    Another tip: Get your head shaved. Chicks like to rub it. Your mileage may vary of course. I’m told I have a very nicely shaped head. Anyone know any single lady phrenologists?

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