My late lunch left me wanting a late dinner. Why didn’t anyone warn me that most of the eateries would be closed? Shoney’s and Waffle House were open, but none of the fast food joints. :(

I won’t offer up a resolution this New Year’s Eve, as I think they are dumb, ’cause it’s just bad form to make a promise you know you won’t keep. Instead I offer a theme. Ever since Chicago, I’ve thought a lot about whether or not I’m happy about the choices I’ve made thus far as a grown-up. I’m blindingly single, don’t have any world changing accomplishment to speak of, and am probably past my prime. My hair’s thinning, my teeth are getting sensitive, and my body aches a little more than it used to. And two out of the previous three things are directly due to choices I made. I could be using Rogaine to stem the tide of hair loss, and if I was more active, I probably wouldn’t sit still as much, so when I did, I wouldn’t be as stiff.

I distinctly remember reading the book that Greg mentioned, “How to get a date worth keeping, Be dating in six months or your money back”, and thinking to myself how I was utterly unwilling to do the really quite reasonable things the book told you to do. I forget now, but my takeaway from it was basically, meet women, lots and lots of women. That it’s an odds game, and the more you meet, the more likely you’ll become to roll that 0.000000X% chance per person up into a whole person.

Sitting in the Amarillo and DFW airports for Christmas, I was not only being conscious of the beautiful women around me, but also of the men they’re with. What would it take to become par with the sort of men those women are with? As Max would attest, it’s been a long road in changing my appearance. I’m sure he’d mention the hat and the glasses and the t-shirts and the shorts. I rarely wear my hat, the glasses are different, I normally wear jeans nowadays, but I still wear lots of t-shirts. And those things are not earth shattering in and of themselves by any means. I’ve watched “What Not to Wear” a little more than I should and have seen people transform their emotional well being along with their wardrobe, if only for a little while. And seeing all too many beautiful women with their husbands (you should search Youtube for awesome first dances at wedding receptions), I can’t help but wonder if I am honestly at a point where I’d be willing to transform myself into something the women that I want, want. And whether or not I could be genuinely and sufficiently comfortable with and sell whatever form that change might take, and whether they’d be receptive to something that doesn’t come by me naturally.

And so all of these things, and even some others, lead me to my point and theme, which is unscrupulously taken from Gandhi. The quote was on the tip of my mind, but I was unable to actually remember it and the internets doth provide:

We must become the change we want to see in the world.

But in my case, it is not the change I desire to see in the world, rather the change I desire to see in myself. I’m not sure how a selection from this quote speaks more to me, but somehow “becoming the change I want to see” seems more poignant than just “change” or “do”. Somehow it evokes to me a sense of empowerment. Somehow something more than just concentration on a of series of obstacles to overcome. But in the same way we do not look at our feet to walk, rather we afix our eyes on our goal, our destination, and the rest comes naturally.

So that is my theme: “become the change you wish to see”. Change not for its own sake, but for a purpose. Though no thing worth doing is ever easy, my sincere hope is that change comes easily when you genuinely desire it. Change that comes as reflexively as breathing or catching a ball. Not fleeting change you believe in, hope for, or desire, but rather change we know we must achieve if we are to achieve anything else.